I'm not sure...

[govcampbell]

So I've read HPB. I'm not exactly pleased with it, and for a while, I wasn't sure why. Dumbledore dying was not unexpected. Snape's apparent betrayal doesn't bother me. Harry and Ginny will get their act together in the next book, once it's all over, I've got no doubt.

What bothered me, was Ron.

Ron's actions in the book struck me as wrong, as not in character. But, I told myself, JKR is writing the character, so how could it not be in character? It just was wrong. It was not how I pictured things playing out, I expected him to be more mature, more smitten with Hermione, more...something. And that's when I realized it.

Somewhere in the course of reading the previous books and writing fanfiction, I'd come to identify with Ron, and the line between my own thoughts, and what I expected Ron to be began to blur so much as to be indistinct. I felt betrayed by Ron in HPB because he did things that I would never even consider doing. It felt dirty. Suddenly I was afraid that since I'd identified with Ron, I was like that too, I just didn't realize it. Absurd I know, but that's what it felt like.

This isn't the first time this kind of thing has happened, I realized. When Han Solo went all wonky after Chewbacca's death in the New Jedi Order books, I stopped reading. I couldn't feel the character anymore. I felt betrayed. I finished HPB because I couldn't not finish, and while I was somewhat calmed down by the end of the book, it still felt wrong.

Well, I suppose, in a sense, I still have the Ron I like, captured in my fanfiction, and who knows, maybe he'll wise up in book seven. I certainly hope so.

Meanwhile, I'm going to sit and wait for the men in the little white coats, because this probably makes me crazy.